Monday, October 19, 2015

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
The most asked question that I get on an daily, sometimes hourly basis.
And not from my children.....although, I get it from them a lot too.

This is the question I get most asked from myself.... all of the time.
Are you there yet?

I look at this painting of Crested Butte, which I consider part of the area I grew up in and I can't determine if I'm there yet. I grew up there, therefore, I should know if I'm there yet. But, I can't determine if it is done yet. Should I add a village? I tried that once already and it didn't feel right. Should I add more detail? or is this one of those good messes? Maybe I need to change the music I'm painting to? maybe the colors?

.........Am I there.....yet?

I started over a few times already... and each time I really liked being "there", but then "there" wasn't where I thought "there" should be. "There" took me somewhere......else.
And sometimes "there" made me lost (I don't know which way to get there).
And there made me angry (There! I can't do it)
There made me ashamed (I was wrong, it was there).
There made me scared (I gotta get away from there).
And there made me cry (I don't want to be there) ALOT!
But, there has also comforted me (it's okay now, there, there), brought me joy (I'm so happy being there), made me laugh so hard I peed a bit in my pants (That there was funny), taught me courage & strength (I fought & deserve to be there), acceptance (you belong there), compassion (others belong there), and opened up new ways to be "there".
There has made me.

Enjoy the process (Look, you see what you did there?).
Enjoy the journey (There you go)
Enjoy the time (I will be there)

There (2015)
Acrylic on canvas 12x12

Everyone knows there are so many ways to get "there" and no right way to do it.
And, honestly, who the hell cares when you get "there" and where "there" is and how long it took you and how it was done.
Those who do are probably just assholes anyway, so there!

I am very grateful for whoever took this picture of the first snow in Crested Butte this year & more grateful for the friend who posted it on facebook. This kind of inspiration can lead you anywhere. 

Tuesday, October 13, 2015


When I was 9 years old, I was riding bare back with 2 of my friends on a horse. My 2 friends grew up on ranches with horses, so they were already expert riders. I had only been on a horse once before this, and it was a very slow, old, horse. I was sitting in the very back of this 3 chain of girls, and the horse took off..... I however, did not. I fell flat on my back, with my left arm bend underneath me, hit my head, knocked the wind out of my lungs and lay there in a field of mud and manure. I couldn't get up, I couldn't cry, the only thing I could do is just lay there. It took all I had in my 9 year old self to eventually get up. Since that moment, for the past 40 years I have had Equinophobia.

I don't know why this one experience was such a life changer for me, (I still remember it like it just happened), but it was. For years I was terrified to even be around a horse. It's only been in the past 5 years or so that I have been able to go up to them and pet them without having heart palpitations.

Now, don't get me wrong; I love the beauty of a horse and find them to be very gentle, calming creatures, but I can still remember that feeling of falling off of that horse. I don't want to have this fear, but it seems to be ingrained in my bones. I should probably just "get back on the horse" and try it again, you know,  "face my fears"........

And so, I painted a horse. Because, this is the best way for me to be around them and appreciate them.
Horsing around (2015)
Acrylic on canvas paper mounted on panel 6x8

I must say I really enjoyed painting these guys and it seems to have turned out okay for me.  
"That's your best painting." says my Dad.
"I can actually tell what it is."
Thanks Dad. 

Monday, October 5, 2015

I do it all for the "Nookie"

I like to hide.
That's right I like to hide and I do it whenever I can.

I like to hide when things are loud,
or scary,
or crowded,
or annoying,
or loud....(I really don't like loud)

I will relish in even 5 minutes of quiet time and if I have to hide to get it......Well?

To this day I still hide candy in my house from my family, so it's mine, ALL MINE!
(I should mention I grew up with a brother, who consistently stole my candy, read my diary, spied on me and my friends during our sleepovers.....I'm sure he hides nothing because I was an angel growing up, as sweet, sweet angel)
I have developed years and years and YEARS of extraordinary hiding skills!

I'm excited to announce,
I found my new hiding place.

It's in Paris.

I cannot disclose it's location.

But it looks like this:

Nook (2015)
Acrylic on panel board 6x6

I'd like to be there right now, curled up in my blanket with a book, a cup of tea & a chocolate bar, actually 2 chocolate bars, ya, I need two. 
Oh, and P.S. There's a cat in the corner, next to the chair, hiding.